How to Lose That Last Ten Pounds Forever.

Guaranteed. I promise. I’ve done this a million times.

Dedicated to my bud-in-the-sky Kris; this is all your fault.

1. Fall in love with the lumps. Decide you Look Much Better with padding.
2. Dump your entire expensive, exhaustive Back-When-I-Was- Skinny(ier) wardrobe.
3. Yell WHEEEEEEEEE I’m FREEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Do a happy dance in front of your mirror.
4. Wait a while.
5. Now that you’re happy, content and living comfortably, you won’t stress eat.
6. You lose the ten pounds.
7. Pull out credit card.
8. Start over.
9. Keep repeating the rest of your life.
10. This is the forever part.