Ugly Food Tastes Better

Several weeks ago one of the doctors in my chiropractic office excitedly told me about a diet book by Mark Sissons, The Keto Reset Diet. Sissons is an athlete. He promises- as they all do- to help you lose weight FOREVER and reset your metabolism FOREVER.

I spent the nearly thirty bucks to get the book. Cracked it open, read it. It’s back inside my upper shelves where it will stay. Honestly. Even though I agree with a good bit of what Sissons said, who in the world has time to prepare those kinds of meals three times a day? Who is he kidding? I can’t afford that kind of preparation time, the cost of the ingredients, nor running around to multiple specialty stores to buy that stuff. I don’t know many of us solopreneurs and working stiffs who do, given the time we spend at work, taking care of chores, marketing, working out- oh I don’t know…life. But, given that most of us spend some 10–14 hours a day in front of our devices, who has time to cook? Minecraft and Grand Theft Auto are just so much more compelling than making edible food.

So a few months ago I went to a meeting where a local paleo restaurateur was catering. It was the only food available that night.

My mistake.

Genuinely Ugly Food…And it Tastes Like Crap

What was laid out on the table was not only stunningly unappetizing, but after I had hopefully loaded my plate with cauliflower hummus and broccoli dip along with chunks of charred beet, I found myself surreptitiously seeking out the nearest garbage can to dump my plate.

It was patently awful. I’d have had more fun chewing on Tide Pods.

I love vegetables- my diet is full of them. Bright, colorful gorgeous fruits and veges that are fun to eat.

There is no reason to burn an innocent vegetable to death or serve scorched shoe leather to provide adequate fiber in your diet. Or, as comedian George Carlin once said, “It’s not necessary to consume an entire wicker swing set at breakfast.” However in the interest of offending the palate and making a buck, someone is going to suggest that we peel a Wyoming fence post and saute the shavings with garlic and lemon juice. Oh, and a little pink Himalayan salt, to taste.

Look, I’m always curious about doing better……

I Won’t Consume Cardboard

But not at the cost of consuming cardboard. Ugly food isn’t appetizing. If it smells like the bottoms of your Timberlands after hiking the back forty, it’s going in the trash.

I agree with Sisson when he eschews sugar. I also agree that most of us gorm far too many carbs of the worst sort, from Cheetos to Doritos to white bread. None of which are in my diet. I use butter, don’t eat grains, and use lots of full-fat dairy. The body needs those fats, which is why I eat three eggs a day. Best nutritional food in the world and they don’t taste like someone’s used Odor Eaters. But that is what works for my body-which is different from yours, my neighbors, and all the other seven billion plus people on the planet. That choice of food options allowed me to dump nearly 90 pounds and keep it off thirty years, so far.

Here’s a thoughtful treatise on the Paleo Diet, along with some history and a nice smattering of facts, not fiction:

And for those contemplating a Keto diet:

Fasting is Also Good For You

My mother, out of desperation, once went on an iceberg-lettuce-only diet. Iceberg lettuce is so devoid of vitamins and minerals that she might as well have been eating thin sheets of water. I guess that was the whole point. Fasting has been shown to provide significant health benefits ( I do it myself, but not for weeks and months on end. Having once been anorexic, I hardly need to walk that path again. This is about taking modified fasts, a day or half day, sometimes more, to help your body rest, recover and re-set. There’s solid evidence behind this.

Paleo, Keto, and all the other latest fads have their wild-eyed advocates and folks making huge amounts of cash off our gullibility. For some, these diets may work in the short term, or even in the long term if their bodies and metabolisms are the right fit. They aren’t for everyone, and it annoys the holy hell out of me when someone proclaims- after a modicum of success- that EVERYONE should be on this or that diet.

Hogwash. No we don’t.

by Lauren Lester on Unsplash

A Few Simple Things

It is beyond my ken how and why we end up on all these insanely skewed dietary tributaries promising all manner of results which most of us would achieve if we would do a few simple things. To wit: Learn what works for us. For OUR bodies. Not for Mark Sisson’s. What genuinely good foods will you eat, that you enjoy, that give you the best results? You will not eat what you hate. By the same token you know damned good and well that a steady diet of Big Macs and toxic french fries will kill you off faster than a texting teenager.

Then: What are we willing to do to move, which gives us pleasure? Walking? Swimming? Hiking? Makes no difference. Just move.

Don’t move? Die young. Eat crap food? Get sick and die young. What else do you need to know?

I thank heaven that I had the foresight to pack my pockets with envelopes of almond butter. Sisson approves. I don’t give a good scorched skirret. They were delicious.

And I didn’t need to spend nearly thirty bucks on The Keto Reset Diet to figure that out.

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