"On the Floor Again, I Just Can't Wait to Get on the Floor Again…."

It’s not even about pushups or yoga. It’s about carpets. And another product review. Or two. Or three, hell, it’s early.

Two days ago I was working my tush off in the yard. My yard, being as it is actually a chunk of often-damp Pacific Northwest woodlands, is dirty. No grass. Lots of mud, because I have to water it, if for no other reason than fire season.

Right about now everything is berries. Said berries drop on the pathway. When I walk that pathway with my heavy duty trail running shoes on, said berries get munched into the tread,where they stay.

Until, of course, I walk on carpet. Look, I have rough carpet in the hallway for this purpose, but THESE berries wait til I get to the bedroom, where said carpet is WHITE.

Far be it for me to change my damned shoes to the pair of old worn-out Hokas which are situated RIGHT ON THE BACK STEP, where they were put for that very reason, so that said berries would stay outside in the cleats of THOSE shoes, and not make it inside. But I digress.

I mean, why use what you set up to work?

The outside comes inside all the time around here, which is just one reason I haven’t been able to put my cleaning supplies in the cleaning closet. I am always cleaning. One reason is that I forget to change my damned shoes.

Carpet. Right. I have only one room upstairs which is carpeted. My bedroom is 28 feet long, having once been two bedrooms. It’s perfect for yoga workouts and gives me plenty of room to sprawl face first onto the floor when I do my “shit I can’t find my glasses” early morning ass-over-teakettle fall out of bed. Thank god for soft carpet. It’s white.

That makes it easier for me to find my pink mouth guard which also goes airborne when I succumb to the daily somersault. But I digress. However.

Therein lies the problem. It’s white. Did I say it was white?

So I’m picking up all my pillows, and after I have done that I note a distressing number of berry-colored stains all over my white carpet. They are, of course, the shape of my trail runners. Who knew, right?

Since I don’t have kids or grandkids that I can blame (they’re useful for something) I’m afraid all I can do is bark at myself. However. That brings me to the product I want to share.

I was shopping at Home Goods (where I need to set up a cot in the back room) and found this (PLEASE NOTE I do not get money from affiliate links, this is for your information only)

As with many impulse purchases, I gave it a shot. I am astounded at how well it works. These are berry stains, the kinds of berries that were long used to dye fabric. The stains come out. This stuff works like a charm. Even against ME.

Now if it would just work on wrinkles, all would be well in the world. But I digress. Point is, this stuff, omigod, does precisely as promised. And unlike other carpet stain removers, leaves no ring.

That said, because I have banged my noggin enough times, I might have already recommended these next things, but here goes.

the author about to do something stupid. Julia Hubbel

Last night I was at my second Aerial Silks Absolute Beginner class. Yes. I did. There is absolutely no accounting for stupidity but there I was, having a helluva time. We were doing backwards and forwards drops. Yeah. Old lady suspended just high enough off the mat, you flip your ass backwards through the silks and hope to god you have clearance.

Ask me if I wore diapers. I should have. Makes your Lycra lumpy but consider the alternative.

Still I did it. By god. Four times in a row. That’s another story. Then we went face forward. That’s REALLY another story.

Did the first one just fine. The second one I blasted both my knees on a crap landing. People do that. Hurt.

I walked it off but my left knee was machining like an old Singer. Half an hour later, they both were speaking to me in Icelandic.

That’s a much more polite way of saying that they were screaming F-you, F-you, F-you YOU MORON.

When I got home, I knew I’d wake up hurting. So, several things:

TDC cream, which is a terrific topical, and while it won’t solve whatever damage I did to my knees it helps ameliorate the discomfort. This stuff rocks. It put me back on my feet after Kilimanjaro. Doesn’t work for everyone, but then CBD oil doesn’t do diddly for me, either. EFAC cream has also been terrific. Please see:

2. Knee braces. I use Mueller, which I think I recommended elsewhere, and they make a bunch of ’em, all of which are a lot cheaper on Amazon than they are on the Mueller site. But they rock. I slid my brand new pair on this morning and after a taping (see below) and a hot bath, I am almost walking normally. Okay, sort of. Okay okay, I’m crawling around on all fours. But at least I made it to the toilet and the kitchen.

3. Lidocaine patches. There are lots of them available. I use them at the base of my thumbs for the arthritis. Last night after I scorched my left hand, I pulled off the lidocaine patch I had on my right hand and put it on the blisters. I’d had that patch on all day and still there was enough lidocaine to reduce the pain. Prescription strength is 5%, over the counter is 4%, both work well. You can get them in big patches and cut to fit, they are adhesive. I keep them on with RockTape, which is indispensable.

4. Last but not least, if you’re not familiar with RockTape, get thee familiar with RockTape. There are lot of copies out there but most of the sport tapes are pre-cut. Will you please just STOP. Because the pre-cut tapes assume a certain use or injury, and the body’s injuries (at least mine) require different lengths of tape, as well as widths. Learning how to tape yourself is key, and it’s best done with the help of a physical therapist. My old sports chiro in Denver had partnered with the man who invented RockTape, so I got coached by the best. When you can tape your own ribs — including your own back — that’s a feat. For what I do for a living it’s an imperative. Please note that bless them, they recently came out with a water-resistant version, which is terrific. That means you can bathe and shower the tape stays on longer, or through workouts, and that is a money saver. Worth it. The original is still the best, and I never ever ever EVER travel overseas without a supply. I have taped broken ribs, cranky elbows. Now I have cranky knees. However, you can’t salve your knees AND tape, the tape won’t stick. So at night, for this injury, I salve, put on braces, then after I wash up today I tape up, then brace up, and try to walk off my stupid. I mean my pain.

Now if I would just tape my legs together I wouldn’t walk outside and bring in the berries, I wouldn’t go to aerial silks class and hurt myself. But I wouldn’t be able to pee either, and the older I get the more of that I have to do.

Sigh. But that’s another story.

"On the Floor Again, I Just Can't Wait to Get on the Floor Again…."

With apologies to Willie, this ain’t about music.